Five Things Kids Want When Their Parents Divorce

We all know that divorce, even under the best of circumstances can be stressful, confusing, unsettling and yes, sad. As hard as it is on parents, it's just as difficult (or more so) for children who don't have the maturity or experience to understand this life changing event. For children face with their parents' divorce, the life they once knew just changed forever, and sometimes with little or no warning.

Having worked on several hundred custody cases, I've come up with five things kids want when their parents divorce:

Kids want Mom and Dad. In spite of the ugly custody disputes involving parental alienation and sometimes even false allegations of sexual abuse, children who are bonded to their parents want nothing more than the security of having both parents in their lives. While they may appear to go along with an alienating parent's demands and tactics, deep down kids crave the security and love they receive from their Moms and Dads. Divorce should not change that and any parent that thinks their children will be better off without one of their parents when there is no cause, is greatly misinformed and selfish.
Kids want peace. Exposing children to parental conflict or the details of custody litigation only frightens and confuses them. Children don't have the capacity to understand the details of the divorce nor is it appropriate to involve them in issues that should remain between the divorcing parents.
Kids want to be kids. Children need to concern themselves with "kidstuff" and not their parents' divorce. Their worries should be about getting their homework done, getting together with friends or with trying to get their hands on the latest video game. Their worries should NOT be about if there is enough money to pay the bills, if they'll have to move or if they'll get to see their Mom or Dad soon. Their job is to grow up healthy, strong and secure. This is less likely to happen if they become their parents' sounding board, confidant and advocate.
Kids want stability. It goes without saying that stability makes life go a whole lot easier. For kids, this is especially true. Stability in day to day living provides children a much needed sense of security especially during the transitions that accompany their parents' divorce. As much as possible, it is important to maintain familiar routines during the divorce process such as those involving meals, homework and bedtime. Having a routine that is familiar is something kids can count on as its helps them see that life does go on even though their Mom and Dad no longer live together.
Kids want a normal life. The sooner divorcing parents can arrive at a divorce settlement, the sooner a new normal will begin for them and their children. Although things will be different following a divorce, the closure that a divorce settlement brings opens the door to new beginnings. One of my mentors once offered this wise tip: